Vulnerability and compassion let the light in—even during the darkest times. Shame, on the other hand, thrives in secrecy. When we keep things hidden, telling ourselves “out of sight, out of mind,” we think we’re protecting ourselves. But the truth is, the shame we carry is never really out of mind. It seeps into how we show up every day—how we engage in our relationships, how we move through the world, how we see ourselves.
Shame keeps us small and stuck, trapping us in old, negative patterns that hold us back from healing. But you don’t have to keep the things you’ve done or the things that have happened to you a secret. Your power lies in your vulnerability—in letting others in, releasing the weight of secrecy, and showing yourself the compassion and forgiveness you deserve.
Vulnerability and compassion continuously set me free.
For example, for years, I carried the secret of my eating disorder—the endless cycle of restricting, binging, and overexercising. It consumed my thoughts, my energy, my life. I was drowning in shame, convinced that I was the only one struggling while everyone else seemed to have it all together. But when I finally opened up about my relationship with food and my body, something incredible happened—the sad truth is that almost every woman I talked to could relate in some way.
It was like a breath of fresh air—I could finally breathe again. I had carried that shame for so long, only to realize that I wasn’t alone. This struggle wasn’t mine alone to bear. That realization changed everything. I wasn’t broken—I was human. And it all started with vulnerability.
No matter what you’ve been through, no matter what secret you carry, someone out there understands. Someone has walked a similar path. Shame begins to dissipate when it is told in safe spaces. The moment we have the courage to share, to be seen and heard without judgment, its grip starts to loosen.
Another secret that is so incredibly prevalent in our world is sexual abuse and assault. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men experience sexual violence in their lifetime. Yet, despite how widespread this issue is, many survivors suffer in silence, carrying the weight of shame and fear alone.
I recently watched The Fall of Diddy on HBO Max with my husband, and the accounts of sexual abuse and assault were horrifying. Survivors shared their stories—speaking their truth about the assaults, the trauma they endured, and the pain they carried. And yet, as heartbreaking as it was, you could also feel the light breaking through. Their liberation was in their voices. In sharing their stories, they freed themselves from the weight of secrecy and shame. It took one woman having the courage to come out about her story that opened the floodgates for others to come forward with theirs.
Because this is the truth: it is in our stories that we set ourselves free.
There are thousands, even millions, of people who have experienced something similar. But shame convinces you that you’re the only one. Your ego wants to protect you, to keep you silent, but in doing so, it keeps you stuck.
If you have been abused—sexually, emotionally, physically, or mentally… If you are struggling with suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety, social anxiety, or addiction… If you have had an abortion and feel shame, are questioning your sexuality, or are carrying a secret that feels too heavy to bear… If you are struggling financially, feeling lost in your career, navigating infertility or miscarriage, dealing with a chronic illness, or disability…If you are moving through a divorce, were unfaithful to your partner, having trouble in your relationship or feeling disconnected from family or community… If you feel like you’re "failing" at life or don’t recognize yourself anymore—please know this: Whatever you’re going through, whatever you’ve done, whatever you’ve been through—you are not alone.
Speaking your truth is an act of courage. It is a way of reclaiming your power and refusing to carry the weight alone. Vulnerability is not weakness, it is the doorway to healing. A way to walk into the light after being in the dark.
There is nothing that you could have done or been through that is too broken to be healed. Nothing that makes you unworthy of love, connection, or peace. The pain you carry does not define you, and you do not have to hold it alone.
If you are carrying the burden of a secret, please know: you don’t have to carry it forever. It’s okay to put it down. It’s okay to let someone in, whether it be a coach, therapist, trusted family member, close friend, mentor—whoever feels good for you. It is in your vulnerability, your courage to share, and your self-compassion that you will find freedom.
You are not alone. You never were. And you never have to be.
If you're seeking support, but don't know where to start, you are not alone. I would love to talk about how I can best support you on this journey. Click here to schedule your free call with me today.
Sending you my love,
Holly
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